UNADULTERATED BOORISH OPINION: MORE GREATEST HITS

I've been meaning to return to this series for a bit. But I got tied up in Companion Debates and an Emergency Continuity Fix and then started Reviewing whole Seasons! But, finally, I'm back here. Looking at another Greatest Hit from Doctor Who! 

What do I mean by the term "Greatest Hit"? Well, it's my way of trying to be a bit colorful. I'm really just talking about stories that I think are overrated. If you want a better definition, check out my first entry on the subject: https://robtymec.blogspot.com/2022/03/unadulterated-boorish-opinion-greatest.html

THE NEXT GREATEST HIT 

In my first entry of this nature, I went a little easy on you guys. I talked about how I feel Pyramids of Mars is not, necessarily, as great as everyone seems to think it is. This didn't seem to ruffle too many feathers. Lots of people really enjoy this story and think it's well-done. But they're not madly in love with it like they are with certain other stories that I feel to be Greatest Hits. 

This time, however, I'm going to hit hard. I'm going for a story that I know is greatly respected by Fandom. Many, in fact, consider this to be their absolute favorite. I have some pretty great fondness for it, too. But I don't think it's as great as many say it is. 

So, brace yourselves. This could get messy....

THE GOOD STUFF 

Like last time, I will start with the positives. 

While there are many factors contributing to its success, there are two specific technical aspects to Caves of Androzani that I think make it absolutely spectacular: 

1. The Writing

After a conspicuous absence, we finally see the return of Robert Holmes. There was some great writing going on while he was away - don't get me wrong. But there is such a beauty to Holmes' style that it was wonderful to see him back. I'd go so far to say that many of his scripts are sheer works of art. 

Caves, very much, continues to display the richness of his ability. The dialogue is particularly tight. There's a crapload of exposition that has to come out in Episode Two that flows so smoothly that you hardly even notice the info dump. It's also where one of my favorite lines from the whole adventure shows up: 

"I have to live amongst androids. Because androids do not see as we see!"  

Not sure why I love it so much, but I do! 

The whole tone of the story is the other really outstanding quality of the script. In some ways, it's slightly similar to some of those Historicals we got way back in the 60s. The TARDIS Crew are in a really rotten place in history and are just trying to get out. But Holmes has taken this idea to its ultimate extreme (and, of course, put it in a futuristic setting rather than in the past). The Doctor is having the worst day of his lives as he struggles through a horrible political climate that he can make no real difference in. He's just trying to get out with his skin still on. It's very grim and very dark and absolutely gorgeous. 

2. The Directing

This just might be what really gets us to fall in love with Caves of Androzani.  Graeme Harper was a director who was decades ahead of his time when he got the gig to do this story. His cinematography - particularly his near-excessive use of a steady cam - drew us in so deeply to the action onscreen. TV had never quite engaged us in such a manner. 

The plot to Caves has a mad pace to it. Harper's direction highlights this magnificently. Even having to deal with such a visual atrocity as the Magma Beast is done in a way that the damage the outfit does to the story's credibility is kept to a bare minimum!  The director just keeps everything moving along so quickly that we're able to forget about it and get back into the excitement of the tale. 

As great as it was to see him return to New Who for a while - it's almost a bit sad that the rest of the industry has caught up to him. He stands out less, now. But his work on Caves of Androzani is still a wonder to behold. Even now, it's a visual masterpiece!   

THE BIG THING THAT STOPS IT FROM BEING A CLASSIC

While I have already mentioned the horrible Magma Beast suit, I won't actually hold it against the story. The production team was just doing their best with the poor budget they were handed. And, like I said, Harper glosses it over quite well. 

I will, however, go straight to my biggest problem with this adventure.

Caves of Androzani resolves itself with what I like to call: An End-of-Story Supporting Cast Slaughterfest. It's a disturbing trend that first starts presenting itself in Season 21 and carries over into Season 22. Only as Eric Saward leaves the show in a hissy fit during the twenty-third season do we see this type of poor story structure come to an end. 

I'm sorry, as good as the plot you're writing might be, you can't conclude it by just killing off 95% of the characters in it. That's just lazy story-telling. And I really do love everything that's going on in Caves til we get to those last few minutes of Part Four. But as I see character after character dropping like flies, I suddenly feel like the bowl of petunias created by the Improbability Drive in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: 

"Oh no." I think,  "Not again!" 

Twice, already, we'd gotten this ending in Season 21. I'll even admit that, on both occasions, it actually worked. Warriors of the Deep is trying to display the futility of the Cold War. So to finish the whole thing with a pile of bodies and the Doctor proclaiming: "There should have been another way." was legitimately effective. And Tegan needed to be put through an adventure so disturbing that it would finally make her leave the TARDIS. So, again, just about everyone gets murdered in Resurrection of the Daleks and that seems justifiable, too. 

But to do this a third time in the season smacks of laziness. Like this just seems to be the way the script editor wants to wrap up a plot. Less work this way, of course. Rather than try to satisfactorily tie up all the threads, just kill off all the characters involved whenever it suits you. Much easier than trying to actually write a proper ending! 

I do recognize a few potential holes in my argument. There is, of course, one surviving secondary character in all of this mess. Morgus' secretary does seem to make it out of things alive. But I have specified a few times that the Supporting Cast Slaughterfest doesn't always take everyone out. Just nearly everyone. And, really, Timmin is a pretty insignificant character. Keeping her alive seems almost irrelevant. Her last scene is a great little plot twist. But if she hadn't gotten it, we would have forgotten about her entirely. 

Also, one could argue that the Caves of Androzani's ending might be artistically-merited like the other two stories I just mentioned. That slaughtering the supporting cast is showing a sort of divine justice for the corrupt leadership within the society the Doctor and Peri are trapped in. Or something to that effect. But finding such symbolism seems a bit tenuous, at best. There is a far bigger problem that outweighs it. The fact of the matter is: this is the third time this season that we've concluded a story in such a manner. It just seems like a dead horse is starting to get beaten, here. 

I would even say that if Caves was the only adventure this season that used this device, I would be okay with it. I might even applaud it for being such an edgy way to finish the story off. But, because it was done twice already (and, I think, done better in those other two instances), this all starts feeling a bit cheap. Like Bob Holmes really couldn't think of a way to end things. So Eric Saward came along and said: "Let me show you a neat little trick a few other stories are using this season!" 

SOME MINOR QUIBBLES WITH THE WRITING THAT ALSO DO A BIT OF DAMAGE

As great as it is to see Robert Holmes back, I do feel I must address a few things that he did that taint my enjoyment of this tale. 

1. Re-Tread

My first issue is one that you only really grasp if you know the show fairly well. Particularly if you're very familiar with the works of Holmes, himself. There is a considerable amount of self-plagiarising going on in this tale. The author borrows heavily from two other scripts he wrote for the show. A deformed madman who hides behind a mask and only reveals his appearance at a very poignant moment was first seen in Talons of Weng Chiang. And Power of Kroll  is set on a primitive planet that has a highly-advanced world just next door that is profiting greatly from a valuable resource it possesses. For me, seeing ideas get re-hashed like this does cheapen things a bit. 

I might not even care so much about this if we didn't get a similar trick a few seasons later when he re-used a plot element from The Krotons in Trial of a Time Lord (most intelligent members of a population being selected to live and work exclusively for the leader of a society). When Season 23 first came out, it was somewhat popular to hate it. Certain fans looked for any little flaw that they could  and blew it out of proportion as much as possible. 

"Can you believe this crap?!" they'd cry and shout, "Robert Holmes did a total re-tread of The Krotons in Mysterious Planet. The story totally sucks because of this! I hate Trial of a Time Lord!" 

"If that's the case," I'd try to politely point out, "Shouldn't you hate Caves of Androzani even more?!" 

"What?! No! Caves of Androzani is an absolute Classic!" 

I then point out to them what I just discussed in that earlier paragraph. 

Suddenly, the room falls silent. 

2. Cliffhanger Resolution

I do have one more slight complaint about the writing. The Resolution to the Cliffhanger for Part Three does sort of seem to be on a bit of shaky ground. It doesn't help that the Cliffhanger, itself, is quite gorgeous. So, when the way it's resolved seems slightly odd, it really takes away from the drama of the moment. 

At the end of Part Three, the Fifth Doctor seems to be holding back an imminent regeneration as he tries to land Stotz's ship. He's having problems, though. It looks like they're going to crash, instead. With a gun pointed to his head, he does a great little monologue as the freighter hurtles toward Androzani Minor. 

There's a quick recap of the last moments of the third episode as Part Four begins. The intensity of the scene is immediately re-established. We're back on the edge of our seats. 

And then, suddenly, we get a model shot of some sort of rocket on the bottom of the ship firing. Everything is okay. The landing is flawless. 

I guess a bit of headcannon could get us to work out that the Doctor found the controls to a retro-rocket or something like that. But a bit clearer of an explanation would have been nice. Some throwaway dialogue near the end of Part Three to the nature of: "So, tell me Stotzy, where do you keep the controls to those retro boosters? It would definitely give us a smoother landing if you could point them out to me!" And then, after the model shot: "Never mind. Found them." Or words to that effect. 

At first, I thought it was only me that found the sequence a bit choppy. But I have watched the story with several other people, now. They all have that same WTF?! reaction when we get to that moment. And, like I said, the Cliffhanger is quite amazing. Perhaps one of the best. At least in the Top Ten. But the Resolution definitely leaves us a bit confused. Which, I feel, damages the potency of the Cliffhanger, itself. 

A SUPER-NITPICKY QUIBBLE ABOUT DIRECTION

Yes, I recognize the irony at play, here. After heaping such high praise on writing and direction earlier in the essay, I now seem to be picking it all apart quite viciously. The only response I can give to this, however, is: "Life is full of irony. Get used to it!" 

I am quick to admit that I really am getting preoccupied with some minutia. Also, as a straight male, I'm actually reluctant to even complain about this. But there is something about the way the regeneration sequence is shot that does bother me a bit. 

Basically, Graeme Harper really should have chosen a better angle to shoot from when Peri lifts the Doctor's head on to her lap. These are the last few seconds of Five's life and we are horrifically distracted by Nicola Bryant's heaving chest. Especially since those breasts do look like they're ready to fall out of her top any second! 

Yes, yes, I should really have no problem with this. To this day, I still think Bryant is the most attractive companion the Doctor ever had (it's especially impressive how great she still looks even now!). The gratuitous bikini shot in Planet of Fire still floats upon my memory on a regular basis!    

Here's the thing: I don't mind what we get in Planet of Fire because it doesn't interfere with a seriously dramatic moment like it does in Caves of Androzani. I know I should just be happy that we're getting more Bryant Cleavage. It is a beautiful thing! But I really do have to protest at the inappropriateness of it all.  As much as it behooves me to. 

This poor choice does really mar the effectiveness of the whole regeneration sequence. There are still some other really great aspects to it, of course. But throwing Peri's boobs in our face does damage the moment a bit. 

Damn! I really hated complaining about that!  

JUSTIFYING THE NITPICKERY

As I have already pointed out, some of the stuff I'm complaining about does border on the highly insignificant. But when I hear fans using terms like: "sheer brilliance" or even "absolute perfection" when describing this tale, little nitpicks like these increase in proportion. These issues shouldn't exist if this story is as great as everyone claims it is. 

I was recently ranting about which Peter Davison story is the best. And I claimed Kinda is way better than this one. When I put that adventure under the same sort of microscope, I find far less problems. 

Like Caves, Kinda also has an awful-looking monster. We won't hold that against it, either. The only other minor problem the story suffers from is a scene in Part Four where Tegan and Adric argue for a few minutes. It was clearly written as a bit padding for an episode that was running short (but is still a half-decent scene). Aside from that, the Deva Lokan Adventure is, pretty much, absolutely brilliant. But I can't say the same for what happens on Androzani. 

To me, if you're going to hurl superlatives at a Doctor Who story, it shouldn't be plagued by so many minor flaws as Caves is. I'm happy to allow it one like I did with Kinda. But, if it goes beyond that, I start doubting that the story is really as good as everyone seems to be saying. 

FINAL VERDICT: 

Minor quibbles aside, there's also still the issue of the End-of-Story Supporting Cast Slaughterfest. That, to me, is far from being a slight flaw. It's a serious problem with the overall plotting of the story. This error, alone, disqualifies Caves of Androzani from the status of "Classic" that so many give it. In my opinion, at least.  

Before I start sounding too vicious, however, I will re-state: I still really like this story quite a bit. But I wouldn't rank it as highly as many other fans do. Which is why, to me, Caves of Androzani is not a Classic. It's only a Greatest Hit. 

Wanna know just how much I love Kinda? It's in my Top Ten Favorite Who Stories Ever!   Check it out: 

https://robtymec.blogspot.com/2015/12/book-of-lists-top-ten-who-stories-6.html