COMPLETE AND UTTER SILLINESS - A FEW OF MY FAVORITE LUDICROUS CLIFFHANGERS

After several entries of deep, heavy analysis, I felt it was time to lighten things up a bit. Pointing out a few of my favorite plot holes in certain stories a while back seemed to be well-received (apparently, one of the entries was published in a fanzine. Or, at least, I gave permission for it to be published. Not sure if it actually went to print!). Since the readership seemed to enjoy me poking a bit of fun at the show, I thought I might do it again. This time, though, I'm going to look at some cringey cliffhangers.   

In my 10 Amazing Cliffhangers That Weren't Particularly Cliffhangerish entry (https://robtymec.blogspot.com/2020/06/book-of-lists-ten-amazing-cliffhangers.html), I explain how strong of a role the Cliffhanger has played in the history of the show. Particularly during Classic Who, of course, where most episodes finished on a "However will they get out of this one?!" note. But even the Revived Series likes to throw out, at least, a few Suspenseful Final Moments That Will Get Solved in the Next Episode per season. One cannot dispute it, the Cliffhanger is a significant trademark of the show. 

But there are downsides to this. Sometimes, a story is contrived in a way that doesn't quite support the Cliffhangers that are required of it. At a point that is completely inconvenient, the author of the script has to just shoehorn one in that massively interferes with the flow of the narration. Or a writer is trying to come up with a type of Cliffhanger that we've never seen before and creates something original but completely ludicrous. Or we just get a Cliffhanger that, for whatever reason, doesn't seem to work. 

We're going to spend this entry looking at a few of those really shaky Cliffhangers and have a bit of a laugh over them. As usual, when I write something like this - I'm not trying to demean the efforts of the writers that created the content. But I am, perhaps, poking a little fun at them in a lighthearted way. I hope no one takes offense to this. 

In my similarly-written series that looked at Plot Holes, I tried to pick some stuff that doesn't get discussed so much in Fandom. This time, however, I am going to go for a lot of the more famous Ludicrous Cliffhangers. With, maybe, the occasional obscure one peppered in. 

Like the Plot Holes entries, we do see certain recurring styles of Ludicrous Cliffhangers. I'll try to showcase a few of them. 

Ludicrous Cliffhanger Style #1: 

Crammin' It In 

I've mentioned this phenomenon already. It's when there really isn't a whole lot of room in the plot for a proper cliffhanger but there still needs to be one. The writer almost seems to just suddenly pull one out of their ass and shove it in so they can conclude the episode with some kind of implication of danger. The effect, however, just feels very incongruous. Clearly, the Cliffhanger doesn't really fit in. 

My favorite example of this is one that I don't actually hear much discussion about. Part Three of the immensely brilliant Snakedance is moving along at a cracking little pace (even though most of it features the Doctor locked up in a cell!). We really start getting a sense of the whole impact the Mara will have if it returns to Manussa. The Doctor, Nyssa and the Assistant Guy Who Finally Believes Them are running around trying to work out a way to thwart the Mara's re-manifestation. It's all very intense. 

But, unfortunately, the episode has run its course. We're twenty-three minutes in so we need something perilous to occur. The trio of do-gooders suddenly zip around the corner in a series of corridors (there's something we've never seen before in Doctor Who!) and, suddenly, find a few guards waiting for them. Members of a completely sophisticated and peaceful society have a huge change of character and decide to kill our protagonists. Just to punch things up a bit - Nyssa lets out a scream as they advance on them. 

The whole thing really seems to come out of nowhere and doesn't sit right in the slightest. Especially the very rushed shriek that Sarah Sutton has to emit. It causes the moment to feel even more shoehorned. It's the only real flaw in an otherwise amazing tale. But it looks quite ridiculous the way the sequence is crammed in just to give us some kind of Cliffhanger.

Ludicrous Cliffhanger Style #2: 

Can We Even Call it a Cliffhanger?! 

Horror of Fang Rock is guiltiest of this transgression. Pretty much every episode just seems to suddenly end with no real implication of any kind of actual peril. Terrance Dicks seems to have almost forgotten the whole show's format and just lets the episode run out of time without providing us with any kind of real incentive to come back next week. The story's just gonna pick up where it left off and keep going. After several years of almost always seeing a Cliffhanger at the end of most episodes of a Doctor Who adventure, the conclusions to Parts One, Two and Three of Horror feel tremendously jarring. To the point of being comical. 

If we had to choose one Cliffhanger that illustrates this best, I would go with the end of Part Two. Once more, we get a scream from nowhere that heightens the comedy of the moment. In this case, however, the sound technician seems to have put some sort of post-production modulation on it that makes it sound quite silly. Then the Doctor and Leela run off to investigate while a couple of supporting characters look on in horror and make a shocked remark. That's it. That's really how they're going to end the episode. "Let's find out what that goofy-sounding yelling is about!" hardly creates any kind of real sense of impending doom. 

Again, it's the abruptness of it all that really gets the moment to flop in a quite hilarious manner. We're just, sort of, sitting there as the Cliffhanger Sting starts up and thinking: "Oh! I guess we're done?!". It's almost a bit surreal! 

Ludicrous Cliffhanger Style #3:

Bohemian Rhapsody 

The end of Part One of Attack of the Cybermen is usually the one fans like to cite for this. To enjoy the full comedy impact, you almost need to close your eyes and just listen. The dialogue and music almost seems to come in at such weird places that it really does sound like the operatic portion of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody. One is almost expecting the Cyberleader to suddenly proclaim: "Easy come. Easy go. Will you let me go?". And the rest of his Cybermen to chime in with: "Bishmallah! No!. We will not let you go!" 

But I think there's an even clearer example of this in New Who. Yes, there are even Ludicrous Cliffhangers in the modern version of the show. It's not just the Classic Series that commits these sins. 

The ending of Silence in the Library comes across way more like Bohemian Rhapsody than Attack of the Cybermen could ever hope to. The interplay between Donna's repeating quote and the poor archaeologist that was stripped away by the Vashta Nerada that keeps saying: "Hey! Who turned out the lights?!" just needs some Brian May guitar licks playing underneath to really complete the effect. 

The fact that the whole thing seems to go on for what feels like eight minutes really gets the Cliffhanger to appear quite silly instead of threatening. It's like Moff  couldn't fill up the episode so he just wrote six pages of Donna and "Hey! Who turned out the lights?!" and hoped no one would notice!

Ludicous Cliffhanger Style #4:

Supporting Character in Danger That We Just Don't Care About

This one, I think, is another situation that is the result of a plot that is just not able to support the Cliffhanger structure properly. 

If we want a good Cliffhanger, the Doctor and/or companion(s) are the ones that need to be in some sort of jeopardy at the end of an episode . But, in some stories, they are all in the middle of something that can't really be interrupted with an element of danger when the run-time demands it. 

When this happens, scriptwriters seem to think that threatening the safety of a supporting role that we've just met will create a suitable substitute. In some cases, this does actually work. We really have fallen in love with this new character that we will only see for this tale. Killing them off will genuinely upset us. 

Most of the time, however, we don't really give a rat's ass about them. Or, at least, we're not so attached to them that creating a sense of peril for them as a part ends is going to tug all that hard on our heartstrings. And, because their death wouldn't really be all that significant to us, the Cliffhanger feels almost hollow. Like you just want to say: "Who cares?!" as the ending credits roll on.    

My favorite example of this would be Part Two of Face of Evil. Tomas, a character so forgettable that I had to go look up a plot summary on a fanpage to retrieve his name, is trying to fight off the Giant Floating Invisible Tom Baker Heads that are roaming the jungle sets. Once more, there's that sense of twenty-three minutes passing since the last episode and something bad has to happen soon. But the Doctor and Leela are too busy climbing over giant rock teeth. So, instead, we decide that Tomas firing indiscriminately to protect himself is the note to go out on. 

The sequence is laughably ineffective. The stakes are just too low. Yes, Tomas is a nice guy and we'd hate if a Giant Invisible Floating Tom Baker Head (who leaves footprints in Part One when he really shouldn't!) ate him. But, in the end, we're not so invested in him that he deserves a Cliffhanger. It all just comes across as a weird place to end an episode.  

Ludicrous Cliffhanger Style #5: 

Shoulda Cut it Sooner

This is one that's all about the visual. You just get a Cliffhanger every now and again where they hold on to the shot a little longer than they should have. And the poor actors that are being filmed have to just try to keep reacting in abject horror to the terrible fate that's befallen them. And, of course, the whole thing becomes hilarious rather than compelling. 

Elisabeth Sladen seems to get stuck in these more than anyone else. Directors just loved to keep that camera on her while she struggles for her life at the end of an episode. The scene with her trying to fight off a cybermat at the end of Part One of Revenge of the Cybermen, for instance, could have been cut a lot sooner than it was. Watching her face getting squashed by the G-force of Guy Crawford's rocket lifting off in The Android Invasion is another moment that goes on for an awkwardly long time. 

But the clear winner, here, is the end of Part Two of Pyramids of Mars. Poor old Liz has to spend eternity mugging up a storm as a robot mummy stalks towards her with the intent of throttling her to death. Her face contorts in fear for several long seconds. Whatever tension the moment was meant to inspire melts away and the whole thing turns into high farce. To Sladen's credit, she still almost manages to sell it. But I have no idea why the director thought it was a good idea to not edit that shot down a bit. Unless, of course, he was aiming for camp sensibility instead of suspense.

Ludicrous Cliffhanger Style #6: 

We Just Don't Know it's Dangerous!

Just like in the last Cliffhanger Style, 70s Who seems to be the biggest perpetrator of this crime. Even the aforementioned Pyramids of Mars does this a bit at the conclusion of its third episode. "Oh no!"  we cry, "Tom Baker is being bathed in a green light! How horrible!" The impression is still given that the green glow we see first from Sutekh's eyes  is a death ray of some sort. But it's not really made as clear as it should be. 

But there are far more glaring examples of this. The most notorious one, of course, is the end of Part Three of Death to the Daleks. Fans make endless fun of this one. 

The Doctor and Belal are assailing an endless array of traps in the Sentient City of Exilon. Even Indiana Jones would be like: "Wow! These are a lot of traps!". As the episode nears its end, they are approaching a funky-looking design on the floor. "Stop!" the Doctor cries out. The camera zooms in on the floor decoration as the Cliffhanger Sting kicks in. 

As we will find out in the next episode, this is the latest trap they need to overcome. It's quite similar to the one in The Five Doctors but doesn't rely on pi to defeat it. The sonic screwdriver takes care of it just fine (perhaps a COMPLETE AND UTTER SILLINESS entry on Times the Sonic Screwdriver was a Blatant Plot MacGuffin might soon be in order...).

Here's the thing: it's not explained in the slightest at the end of Part Three that the floor design is dangerous in some way. We just get a bit of a crash-cut to some red shapes on the ground and everything is over until next week. We really have no idea why the sequence merited this Cliffhanger. It's just a cheap paint-job on the floor that is, somehow, meant to represent peril. All it really conveys, of course, is a complete sense of silliness. How is a bit of decor meant to hold us in suspense?!  

Ludicrous Cliffhanger Style #7: 

Something Was Going on in the Previous Part That We Don't See til the Next One

This one has another story that we all remember it for. To the point where we almost seem to think it only ever happened in this adventure. When, in truth, even the New Series has done it. 

We all love to talk about how cheap the cliffhanger resolution is in Mark of the Rani. At the end of the first part, the Doctor is strapped into a gurney on a mine cart and is hurtling towards a seemingly bottomless pit. There seems to be no one near enough to help him. He's doomed! 

Turns out, as Part Two starts up, there really was someone around to help him. George Stephenson was conveniently strolling along in the nearby forest and just happens to see the Doctor in trouble. In the nick of time, he runs up to the cart and stops it. 

This already seems like a fairly cheap way to save him. But what makes it even more ludicrous is the fact that there is no sign of Stephenson at the end of the first episode. His scenes of walking through the forest and charging to the Doctor's rescue are only edited in to the beginning of the second part. Which makes it all seem like a pretty big cop-out. Stephenson really does just come out from nowhere and provides a very cheap fix to the problem. 

"But Rob!"" some of you are saying, "You said the New Series has done this too. Where does this happen in New Who?! 

Check out Zygon Invasion/ Zygon Inversion. Clara's Zygon impersonator takes out the Doctor's presidential jet with a bazooka at the end of Invasion. But then, at the beginning of Inversion, we discover the Real Clara was in a weird dreamscape influencing things so that the Doctor has time to escape the plane before it's destroyed. Because of the way it's written, the sequence doesn't feel as much like the trick that's pulled at the end of Mark of the Rani. But, in essence, it really is the same execution. A Cliffhanger is resolved by something that was going on at the same time that we didn't see happening until the next episode. 

Ludicrous Cliffhanger Style #8: 

The Full-On Extremely Awful Resolution 

Again, there are any number of stories that have featured this particular embarrassment. But there is a clear winner in this competition. One tale that has such an intensely bad resolution that all other examples of this pale in comparison. 

Again, poor Liz Sladen has to be the one caught up in this. As Sarah Jane Smith is climbing the scaffolding alongside the Thal missile at the end of  Episode Two of Genesis of the Daleks, she seems to lose her footing and plummet to her death. The Cliffhanger actually looks really good as the whole scene stops in a very gripping freeze-frame. I still vividly remember the first time I saw it and thinking: "Nice! I gotta see how she gets out of that one." 

As it turns out, she just seems to land on a part of the scaffolding that is only slightly lower than where she was falling from. She's okay. 

What makes this work even worse is the fact that the Cliffhanger clearly shows Sarah falling way off of the scaffolding. Like, several feet away from it. Did a strong wind suddenly blow in and send her back onto it?! Was there a wider configuration to the scaffolding that we just never saw that made it possible for her to land on it? Did a freak time eddy open up and transport her to a parallel reality where she didn't fall quite so far away from the scaffolding? It really is a sequence that is just so terribly executed that it looks downright laughable. 

Fandom goes on endlessly about how great of a story Genesis of the Daleks is. I feel it is over-rated. It's an okay story - but it's not great. This opinion has been known to cause fans to foam at the mouth and insist I face summary execution.  

"It is an absolutely perfect story!" they will claim. 

"It has it's flaws." I will respond. 

"Impossible!" they will insist, "There is nothing wrong with Genesis of the Daleks! It is sheer perfection!" 

"The Resolution to the Part Two Cliffhanger." I will plainly state.  

The Room always falls silent after that. 

Ludicrous Cliffhanger Style #9: 

The Truly Bad

And then, finally, we have those Cliffhangers that are best left forgotten. But are just so bad that we can't block them out of our memories. 

Again, there is an obvious victor in this category. There is no Cliffhanger worse than the end of Part One of Dragonfire. And there probably never will be. 

In defence of the writer, the scene does not play out the way it was scripted. He had intended for the Doctor to climb along a series ledges to a point where he could go no further but would also not be able to make his way back. And then, on top of that, he starts to lose his footing. Or something to that effect. It's described by the author in a DVD bonus documentary in a somewhat contrived way. 

I'm guessing they were just running out of time to shoot the sequence. Or perhaps they just didn't have the budget to create a series of complex cliff edges. Or a combination thereof. 

The end result, of course, is a sequence that almost seems to be a parody of a Doctor Who Cliffhanger. Sylvester McCoy just climbs onto a ledge and gets stuck there. Like the Doctor was thinking: "Well! Time to be in peril!" 

Most people neglect to mention just how awful the resolution is too. In fact it's nearly as bad as the one in Genesis of the Daleks. Sabalom Glitz seems to find a lower ledge that comes out from nowhere. We have no idea how he got to it. We even have to wonder why the Doctor didn't just use that particular ledge in the first place! But, it's there. Almost as if by magic, the Intergalactic Rogue helps the Time Lord from his seemingly self-inflicted predicament.   

While I am a great lover of McCoy's gift for visual comedy (Read about it here, in fact: https://robtymec.blogspot.com/2021/04/review-overview-which-doctor-is-best-at.html and Part Two: https://robtymec.blogspot.com/2021/04/review-overview-which-doctor-is-best-at_23.html and Part Three: https://robtymec.blogspot.com/2021/04/review-overview-which-doctor-is-best-at_27.html), the slapstick that he creates throughout the Cliffhanger and its resolution just add insult to injury. It feels like the actors involved are consciously admitting that this whole thing is a mess. Like they're making fun of it a bit.

It's almost a bit surreal that, of all the moments that could have been chosen to highlight the Seventh Doctor during Name of the Doctor, this one gets picked. I guess, quite sadly, this is one of the things we remember most about his era.  

Forget killing the Supreme Dalek with mere words Or the extended game of chess he played with Fenric for several seasons. Or strolling off into the sunset with Ace as a beautiful monologue plays out in voice-over and the whole show comes to a close. 

It's the damn Cliffhanger in Dragonfire.