BOOK OF LISTS: TOP FIVE GUILTY PLEASURES

My Top Ten Doctor Who Stories Of All Time list that I posted over the new year seemed to get such a good response that I thought I might try something similar. This time, we're looking at my Top Five "Guilty Pleasure" stories. I decided not to make such a long list, this time (especially since fan review sites are a dime a dozen on the internet!) so we should get through this in the month of May. 

DEFINITION:

What constitutes a "guilty pleasure"? Well, a guilty pleasure, to me, is a story that we all agree is pretty bad but I still like it. There may be all kinds of elements to the production that are downright cringe-worthy but, for some unknown reason, I still find the thing enjoyable to watch. I shouldn't, really - but I do. It's the same idea as that pop song we hear on the radio that we know is completely awful but we still sing to it quite happily every time it comes on. So long as we're alone in our car when it does! 

Which means that you won't see stories on this list that I feel fandom has misjudged. Twin Dilemma is a great example of this. It's not the greatest story in the world, of course. But I feel fandom comes down on it way harder than it should. By no means does it deserve the ranking it gets in Doctor Who Magazine's: The Mighty 200 (or whatever number we're up to, now!). So I wouldn't call it a guilty pleasure because I actually think it's half-decent. I did a "Not as Bad as They Say it is" List a while back (http://robtymec.blogspot.ca/2015/07/book-of-lists-5-not-as-bad-as-everyone.html). That's the category a story like Twin Dilemma would full under.

Whereas the stories you'll see here are ones that I'm actually embarrassed to admit that I like. They are legitimately crappy Doctor Who stories (which doesn't mean they are completely awful television - a bad Who Tale is still better than a lot of other stuff one finds on TV) but I still get an almost perverse enjoyment out of watching them. Can't even completely understand what it is that I like about them so much, but I still find them fun. 

Here's Number Five:

HORNS OF NIMON

I place Horns of Nimon at the end of this list for two chief reasons:

            1)  I only like it so much.

            2)  The story is only so bad.   In fact, a lot of fandom actually defends it and claims it's rather good.    So, if it's so well-liked, that only makes it so much of a "guilty pleasure".    As I've explained in the intro, the more a story is detested - the more it increases its status on this particular list.    So, with only a mild degree of unpopularity, this particular tale gets a fifth-place ranking.   

Now, let's go back to my first point.   Why do I only like Horns of Nimon so much?   For much the same reason as anyone only likes it so much, really.   There are some blatantly bad aspects to this production.    The most blatant being the acting.   Even our leads seem to be "phoning it in" throughout most of their scenes.   Lalla Ward seems largely disinterested in the whole affair.   As if she's busier learning her lines for Shada rather than concentrating on what's been put immediately in front of her.    And Dear Old Tom seems to have decided to thoroughly take the piss out of everything that's going on in the plot.    When fans argue about the comedy going too far during the Graham Willaims Era, it is Horns of Nimon and Creature from the Pit that they hold up as their best pieces of evidence.    At least in Creature from the Pit, Baker seems to still care about the words he's saying.    So much of his dialogue in Nimon looks so rushed that you'd swear Ed Wood was directing the whole thing ("Right then, Tom, terrible delivery but I'm no mood to do a second take so let's leave it as it is!").

But our supporting cast is no better.   Our Athenians, of course, can only take so much blame in this.   They are given little to work with.   They wander from scene-to-scene, looking terrified about everything.   But, that's all the script has handed them.   And, to their credit, they are showing genuine fear rather than going over-the-top like so many other people in the cast did.

            

Sadly, as we move through the rest of the supporting cast, things take a turn for the worst.    That Skonnon Captain who loves to shout "Weakling scum!" doesn't just need a new pair of pants - he needs a new acting coach!   He seems to have taken a page from Tom's book and is muttering so hurriedly through those lines  that it seems like he didn't get his script til ten minutes before the camera started rolling.   The interrogation scene with Soldeed is the best example of this.   It's, pretty well, the worst example of bad acting that Who has ever seen.   

            

And, since we mentioned Soldeed, I seem to recall hearing that James Crowden was actually being considered for the role of the Fourth Doctor way back when Pertwee was bowing out.    If Horns of Nimon is anything to go by, then we can believe that a better choice was definitely made with Tom Baker.    The campiness with which he approaches the role is tolerable in his earlier episodes.   But as he descends into madness, he becomes unwatchable.   I've heard fans defend Crowden's entire performance.   These are the same fans who get upset over the fact that Richard Briers is having a bit of fun in Paradise Towers when he gets possessed by Kroagnon.   The irony of this stance astounds me to no end.   Crowden has obviously decided to go full-on panto villain by Episode Four of Nimon.   Any credulity the character had left has been chucked right out the window of the House of Good Acting.   Whereas Briers is merely playing the villain with a bit of a wink in his eye.    It astounds me that fans can't see this.   But then, any Who pre-dating the JNT era seems to be viewed under an entirely different light. 

            

"Now wait a minute, Rob." some of you might be saying, "You referred to this story as a guilty pleasure.   So far, all you've been doing is trashing it.   Where's the part where you talk about what you liked about the story?"

            

Well, if you recall, the fact that I do have some strong criticisms about this tale is the main reason it's coming in at Number Five and not getting a stronger ranking.    But still, let's get on with the good stuff:

            

Horns of Nimon has a very memorable alien in it (and it's not only the ridiculous platform shoes that get us to remember him!).    So much so, that he's gotten honorable mention in the New Series.   Parasitical Alien Races always make for good sci fi, yes.   But the fact that our Nimon is also rooted in Greek myth makes him that much more interesting.    Factor in that he also exploits mankind through moral corruption and we get what is probably one of the best "layered" Parasitical Alien Races the show has ever produced.   It helps that the Nimon are also pretty damned fun to watch storming around corridors and shooting concentric circle lazer beams from their horns!    Yes, the artistes within the costume are having a good time overdoing their mannerisms, but this all ties in quite nicely with everyone else going so OTT with their roles.  

            

There are moments, too, where Tom's antics are genuinely amusing.   Where we don't feel like his humor isn't just tearing down the credibility of the scenes he's in.   Instead, he's actually being entertaining.   It's usually the more subtle stuff.  Like when he tries to steal Romana's sonic screwdriver or his joke about getting the order right when the Nimon threaten him.   Those sort of moments do really add some charm to the production.

            

This is also a great story for Romana.   She spends a good deal of time separated from the Doctor and accomplishes a number of useful things during those times.   One could even argue that Romana accomplishes far more than her counterpart in Horns of Nimon.   The Doctor tends to wander aimlessly and just get himself into trouble throughout a good chunk of the story.   Even when he does start proving useful, it's because he's got K9 helping him out.   Romana propels most of the plot, herself.    It's always interesting to watch when a show allows someone who isn't the titular character to be the protagonist.

            

We also get a nice little twist in Episode Four where Romana journeys to the previous planet that the Nimon exploited.   And there, amazingly enough, she finds the one actor who seems to be taking the story seriously.   The Head Scientist who brought the Nimon to that world and is now trying to fight them actually does a surprisingly good job in his role.   

Particularly as he confesses his sins to Romana.  There's a nice element of pathos, there.  In a production where everyone else is having way more fun than the audience is or just doesn't seem to care about their role at all, this particular actor gives us a much-needed breath of fresh air.   He also helps to really lift the story.    One almost wishes he'd been given the role Crowden got.  

            

So, there you go.  Horns of Nimon -  Number 5 on the list of Guilty Who Pleasures.   Earning its position because it does have problems - but there's a fair amount about it that I really like!